Continuing to write during this period of "31 Days", despite having bombed out of the 'post every day' part, is a good thing. You've heard, "done is better than perfect"? Well, these sporadic posts are 'done'. I'm so much better at offering my best efforts these days, when even a year ago nothing other than the whole shebang would suffice. I love this freedom. Love it.
Today's discomfort has been sponsored by gastroenteritis (Sparkly, not me) and disrupted sleep. It felt like she was vomiting every half an hour but apparently I slept through some, despite being right next to her. I find myself on a road that is clearly signposted, "Trust God no matter what", and that has to do with preparing my heart and my notes for a talk I'm giving on Saturday night. For various reasons, including the sermon and the in-laws visiting, I haven't finished my notes yes and it has the potential to make me crazy anxious. I also don't feel I have God's heart on it yet - that sense that I should focus on a particular concept or have an understanding of what He is doing in this bunch of women I'm addressing.
So, I find the "Trust" road is intersected at regular intervals with appealing little paths, major highways, and detours inviting me to wander off into anxiety about all the things that are working against me 'getting it done'. I'm now incredibly tired. I have a sick child who I may not be able to leave with anyone while I go to an important appointment tomorrow or the talk itself. And she is needing my physical presence in a way that will make it difficult to write! I have a really busy weekend without Killer around to help (although he is, at least, taking the boys with him). I have eight baskets piled with folding that I need to sort in order to pack for the men to go away. And I'm sure there will be more 'life' to come at me as I near Saturday night. Not because I'm an impressive speaker, but because anything to do with increasing freedom for us or someone else is contested, right?!
All I can do is stay on the road and, if I should wander off (or purposefully stride off, as I'm wont to do). just turn around. Somehow freaking out seems more appealing. It's a well worn path.
