I've been waiting until I had something to say. It took a while. The alternative was a loop of praise for blue Castello cheese and the Book Depository.
I've spoken before about liberation from fear and the buzz-kill, life-kill that lurks in it's shadows. I had a stark reminder on the weekend of the perils of giving it time. We were at the little vonerables' tennis lessons when Geronimo disappeared, a long way from sight, to sulk on the footpath. Of course, we found him quickly. Of course, he was absolutely fine. But it terrified me that he would think it was okay. That he would think all the other, crazy, risky things he does are okay. Panic rising.
And then I read one of those: This random event that I could not possibly have foreseen was nearly fatal for my child and you should know what to do if it ever happens to you facebook entries. Panic flooding. Suddenly, I could hardly function. Loading the littles into the car felt like trudging through cement.
Walking around the supermarket, Killer asked why I was so tired. Not 20 minutes earlier I had been helping Superboy practice hitting the ball. Now I was asleep on my feet? The contrast jolted me: it was a fear TKO. I'm thankful for the reminder that awareness of hazards does not have to equal fear. And for the experience of turing away from fear and feeling the life breathed back into my body.
